by The Happy WAHM
A week ago, this post from Cody Bret was shared by a friend on Facebook, and I saved it. I wanted to comment on my friend’s post, but I was pressed for time. So I just saved it. Thinking that I’d leave a comment later.
But I never got around to doing it. And today, I thought maybe I’ll just turn my comment into a blog post.
Because back in 1998, I found my someone.
Here’s that post I’m referring to…
Find someone like this.
Find somebody who is willing to fix their mistakes when they are in the wrong.
Find someone who knows that date nights are mandatory.
Find someone who never punishes you for the mistakes made by the ones behind you.
Find someone who you have amazing chemistry with.
Find someone who is willing to graduate to a real lasting love with you.
Find someone who is willing to navigate the ship of life together.
Find someone who knows that not a single person on the face of this earth sits high enough to look down on anyone.
Find someone who doesn’t make you fall for them without intending to catch you.
Find someone who would rather spend a Sunday morning with you, rather than a Saturday night.
Find somebody who’s quick to put their ego aside, and are willing to listen and grow with you with every day that passes.
Find someone who chases you …. long after they already have you.
Find someone who will never let you fall asleep at night wondering if you still matter.
Find someone who makes a reservation at your favorite restaurant unannounced.
Find someone who has genuine intentions with you from the very beginning.
Take my advice and …. find someone real enough to treat you …. like they can never replace you.
~ Cody Bret
October 15, Facebook
The last time I wrote anything on this blog was in March 2020. That’s a long time of neglect.
But today is special. Because today is the birthday of my someone.
Instead of posting a greeting on my Facebook page as I have always done in the past, I just had this inspiration to write. Because what I want to say is a tad long for a Facebook post.
Oh, yes. I have found my someone. He is everything described above, except for the part where he makes a reservation at my favorite restaurant. He’s never done that. Because our favorite restaurant does not require reservations. In fact, we don’t have a favorite restaurant at all.
Where we’re both at is our favorite. We can eat anywhere and say it’s our favorite place. For as long as we’re together.
In the past, I have written that my husband is not romantic. Not by anyone’s standards, at least.
Twenty-four years of marriage, and nothing has changed.
He still makes my coffee every single day. I still don’t know how to prepare my own.
He cooks for us. Even though the kids already know how to prepare their own food.
He buys me shoes. He knows the styles I like.
And in a way, he’s more like my stylist. Next to our firstborn, he’s the one who knows which dress or ensemble would look good on me.
We watch movies and TV shows together, and we hold hands while doing that.
We hold hands while talking ourselves to sleep. And we fall asleep in an embrace.
He takes good great care of me. And I would always tell him, “I’m sorry that I’m not doing more.” For him, for us, for our kids.
And he would always tell me, “Marge, you are more than enough.”
I know I have found my someone.
by The Happy WAHM
Networking. No, it’s not the multi-level marketing (MLM) that most people equate with the word. When I talk about networking, I simply mean making connections.
Networks matter for career success. People in your network help you find people who can assist you with projects, refer you to new employers (or for freelancers, clients), and make connections to new and bigger opportunities.
One study says that 36–42% of employees who do networking are more likely to receive top performance evaluations, 43–72% more likely to be promoted (an effect that builds in the 2 years following the program), and 42–74% more likely to be retained by the company.
Networks matter for keeping your sanity, too. Especially for freelancers and work-at-home professionals like me. We need a network to stay abreast with what’s happening in the industry.
Truth is, networking happens mostly during after-hours activities, like after-work coffee dates, weekend get-togethers, or at far-away conferences. That poses a problem for me. Since most of my colleagues are based in the Metro, and I’m based in the province.
And did I mention I’m a work-at-home mom? So no officemates to have coffee with, except for my husband, of course, who also works from home.
Case in point, I had to miss the annual Homeschool Convention because it was the only day I could take my daughter to an important dental appointment. It would have been a great day for me to reconnect with fellow homeschooling parents, and meet new ones. But as a WAHM, I have to set my priorities. It would have been workable if the venue was near, but it’s a 3-hour travel, so no, I just had to miss it.
So how do I strengthen connections with colleagues if traveling to the Metro is out of the question? How do I meet new connections if my days off from work are reserved for wearing the mommy hat?
For many of us, that problem doesn’t get solved. The network just stops growing, and in worse cases, it even shrinks.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. As WAHMs, we just need to be more creative and deliberate. Or is the word intentional?
So here are some of the key points I learned from David Burkus’ book, Friend of a Friend: Understanding the Hidden Networks That Can Transform Your Life and Your Career.
Hit the pause button on making new connections.
Focus on old friends and former colleagues. These are people who are already in your network, but have become dormant because of your circumstances. I try hard to do this myself, having coffee dates with friends from my past life as a corporate junkie. Sending messages on social media; commenting on their posts; tagging them in my updates that I think are relevant to them; or sharing something that reminded me of them and tagging them.
Re-establishing relationships and catching up is a lot faster than making new connections. And the truth is, they are more valuable.
Explore the edges.
This one’s a good idea for introverts like me. It’s a lot easier networking with people you share a common friend with. Or maybe people that your relatives already know. It can be that you already know the person by name, but you have not connected yet. So David suggests to solicit an introduction from the common friend and take it from there.
Go virtual.
This, I have down pat. I’ve been using social media to connect, and lately, I have stepped up my game by accepting or making calls via Messenger or Skype. Maybe soon I can forget about being shy and move on to video calls that will make some high-fidelity face-to-face conversations happen without having to leave home. We can even have coffee together, virtually.
Make introductions.
This one is powerful. I know my friend Kathy does this a lot. And I’ve done this quite a few times myself. Introducing two contacts from two different networks that you have is a great way to strengthen your connections. You strengthen the network around you, provide value for both contacts, and become known as an overall generous person. You can do it any time of day via email, but make sure both parties know your introduction is coming. Or you can create a group chat.
Use business travel wisely.
There may be times when traveling for work is unavoidable, but you can make the most of your time away. I do this all the time, when I have to meet with a client in the Metro. I just plan my trip so that I arrive a couple hours early and use that time to meet with a friend. Or plan to stay longer, and meet the friend after the business meeting.
Another way to do this, especially when attending a conference or a seminar, is finding out who’s coming to the event and setting up a schedule for quick chats with those you know.
Talk about other interests.
When parents get together, chances are the main topic would be kids. Examining non-kid interests, hobbies, and even work can lead to a stronger bond and more reasons to stay connected. A fellow homeschooling mom, Donna, did a great job at this during the Homeschool Convention. I missed the event, but I was kinda there, as part of her presentation. She made a presentation of homeschooling moms’ other passions that they developed or discovered while homeschooling. The result, it created another avenue for homeschooling moms to connect through another interest. And she created a group chat for us moms who she used as examples.
A lot of these steps seem like a regular part of networking, and they are. We just tend to neglect them. I believe that growing a thriving network is not just about attending networking events, working the room, and hoping to meet new people. A big (and more important) part of networking involves taking care of the network you already have and slowly expanding it through current contacts. It’s true that I used to think that networking can only happen at after-work events or at big gatherings, but I have since realized that much of it can be done from right where I am – my workstation.
You don’t have to find more time to do networking, you just have to fit networking into the time you have.
by The Happy WAHM
Our very own miracle is turning 13 today!
Thirteen years ago at around this time (2 o’clock in the afternoon), I was being discharged from the hospital. I just had my first round of steroids that would give my baby a fighting chance should we come to the point where taking him out of my womb would be the only course of action. I’ve been bleeding heavily since my third month and I’ve been in and out of the hospital.
My OB-Gyn never gave us any hope that my pregnancy would continue. On our first visit, she said it was likely to abort.
On my fourth month, she advised us not to get our hopes up. The bleeding was getting heavier.
On my fifth month, she advised us to have me confined in the hospital because the bleeding was already endangering both the baby and myself. It was of course out of the question. We had no one to take care of our two daughters, and we simply could not afford a long hospital stay.
On my sixth month, she sat us down to discuss having the baby taken out of my womb and they would try to save him outside of the womb. I was to have four doses of steroids, to be administered in a span of two weeks. The steroids would make the baby’s lungs stronger, and give him a fighting chance to survive, should we go through the C-Section.
We agreed to the steroids. And on June 9, 2005, I had my first dose. I stayed overnight in the hospital. And I was discharged the next day. It was thirteen years ago today.
We went home, comforted by the knowledge that the steroids would give our baby stronger lungs. We were to come back for the second dose in three days.
We arrived home around 2:30 pm, and everything was fine. But at around 6:00 pm, the bleeding started again. More profuse than any I experienced in the past four months. At one point, there was one big swoosh that really got me shaking.
And then I went into labor.
I got the calling the hospital routine down pat. Been doing it for 4 months, I was already an expert. And calm.
I called admissions for a room. And I called the ER so they would expect me. Then I called my OB-Gyn, my anesthesiologist, and our pediatrician.
A Series of Miracles
I was supposed to have four doses of steroids. I went into labor just after the first dose. That one dose gave me comfort. Our baby had 25% more chance than before the first shot was given.
I lost a lot of blood while we were at home. But the moment my husband put me in the car and all through during the drive to the hospital, not one drop of blood flowed out.
We’ve been regular customers at the ER, our car was already known to the ER’s security guard. I saw him go inside the ER and come out with a gurney when we were about 30 meters away.
In all those months that we were in and out of the ER, that room was always a flurry of activity. All hands on deck, all the time. But that night, I was the only one in there. I was prepped for OR in no time. IV drips were simultaneously inserted into my arms while I was being wheeled to the OR.
I’m Type B+. And the hospital did not have it in stock in the blood bank. On that day, my OB-Gyn was supposed to perform an operation on another Type B+ patient. The patient was asked to produce two bags of blood. She was only able to produce one. So the operation was re-scheduled for another day. That one bag she had saved my life. My husband drove all night to three more hospitals in the province to collect the five bags I needed. Officemates and hospital staff also donated blood.
At one point, they called a code. I was paperwhite. I crashed. But I lived to write about it.
Manage Your Expectations
Our pediatrician was not able to catch for me that day. There was a death in her family, and she was not expecting me to deliver that soon. So when I came to the following morning, there was a stranger in the room. She was the pediatrician that my OB-Gyn called to catch my baby.
She looked so sad. And when I asked her about my baby, she told me: “You might not be able to take him home. He’s really weak, but we are trying our best to save him.”
Our neonatologist was a ray of sunshine. She was more hopeful. Focusing on the good. “The steroids should help. And when you are stronger, please go to the NICU and be there for him.” She taught me how to touch my baby like I’m massaging him, while he’s in the incubator.
He’s A Strong Boy!
He stayed in the hospital for a month. And then we were allowed to take him home.
After a few days at home, he had seizures. We did not know those were seizures. I thought he was just cold. So I bundled him up in baby blankets. But when he refused his milk, we decided to take him to his pedia.
More Miracles
At the doctor’s clinic, I was asked to describe what happened at home. And the doctor said: “Marge, those were seizures. We need to have him confined.”
Our doctor’s secretary called admissions, and we were given a room. I went down with the baby to the admissions office to sign for the room. And when we were given the green light to go to our room, I went to the ER instead. I just wanted to wave hello to the ER staff. And just as we got there, the baby in my arms turned blue. He stopped breathing!
Imagine if we went straight to the room and he had the arrest there. All the equipment were in the ER! He would not have made it.
He was given CPR. He was so tiny, CPR was just two fingers tapping on his chest. Then he was intubated. It was all a blur to me. I thought I was going to pass out.
He had another arrest right after he was intubated. And then he was brought to the ICU.
At the ICU, he stopped breathing three more times. I remember having my eyes on the heart monitor, and I watched the number go down to 25. At that number, I closed my eyes. I don’t know how low that number came to. But he came back. I was half-lying on the floor, praying like I’ve never prayed before.
Setting Our Priorities
He stayed another month in the hospital. Our neonatologist and our pediatrician joined forces in lobbying that our son be allowed to go back to NICU. The regular ICU was not equipped to care for a newborn.
Our neurologist strongly advised that I should personally care for our son. The first two years would be critical. We need to watch out for signs of any delay in development. They were not sure if there has been oxygen deprivation in his brain in all those times that he stopped breathing. So we needed to be vigilant.
It was a difficult decision. We needed my income to pay off the hospital debt we incurred. But our son needed a mother’s care. So did our daughters.
So I resigned from my corporate position and became The Happy WAHM.
Jude, Through The Years
We named him after my husband, who was born on the feast of Saint Jude Thaddeus.
Want to see how tiny he was?
The photo on this card was taken when he was a month old. His head was the size of my fist.
But he caught up in no time.
He was a happy child.
And soon enough, he joined the homeschool journey of his sisters.
He went through the car phase, when all his drawings and all he talked about were cars.
The origami phase. Pictured below was a Valentine’s gift to me.
The building phase, first with our Math manipulatives…
The Stonehenge
…and then later with Keva planks, which I wrote about here.
Jude’s Boat
At one point, he loved soccer.
And supported me in my craft business. He enjoyed french knitting.
He also had a long hair phase. That time when our eldest was starting college, and my husband and I were talking about how we need to make adjustments in our budget, he volunteered not to have his hair cut, and put his haircut budget to Ate Xia’s college fund.
Among his interests, what have remained constant are his passion for astronomy, his love for music, and his fascination with Science.
We have just recently bought him a telescope, which I wrote about here, and a Thomson acoustic guitar with pick up and amplifier. For his birthday today, his wish is to have a bass guitar, but he will have to wait for it because that one is so not in our budget. 🙂 I just wish he’ll let me record him playing. He’s really good!
Meanwhile, he’s just been promoted to high blue belt in Taekwondo.
And busy with his new Snatoms set, which he bought with his hair.
Yes, you read that right. He used his hair to buy his first micro set of Snatoms, but that is another story for another day.
For today, it is all about having a third teenager in the family. 🙂
Do you, have questions, comments or feedback about this post?
Please leave a comment below, or post them on my Facebook Page.
by The Happy WAHM
Just because I’m The Happy WAHM doesn’t mean I don’t get sad. I go through a rough patch every now and then just like everybody else. But maybe, just maybe, I have developed a coping mechanism better than others. I’ve learned how to keep calm and keep going.
Whether it’s running a marathon, working towards your dream, raising a teen, or simply keeping your blog site updated, there are some situations we can find ourselves in where we want to keep going but really struggle to maintain the desire to do so. We have to give every last drop of will-power and energy not to just give up and pack it all in.
Oh, yeah… I just had a crying fit the other day over a small thing concerning work. Blame it on the heat, or the hormones, or lack of sleep. I don’t know what happened. But one moment I was feeling so good about something I did and was so crushed the next.
In situations like that, we may find ourselves turning to mental tricks and ruminations to just keep going. I’m sharing with you some of my best practices whenever I’m having those moments.
Draw Inspiration
Most of us have stories and memories that we can use to dig deep and find inspiration from. Mine is my mother, widowed at 33. I was two when my father died. She had no job and no education, but she straightened her back and hardened her resolve. She took on odd jobs to earn a living and worked day and night so she could give us the education she never had. It was tough for all of us, but she never gave up. So whenever I start feeling tired of what I’m doing, I think about my mom and all the hardships we had. These thoughts and memories help me to dig deep when I’m really struggling for energy, commitment or will-power.
If that doesn’t work, try an inspiring music track. I would not say the songs in my playlist are inspiring, but my go-to track is by one of my all-time favorites, Freddie Mercury. Been bugging my daughter to make me a lyric video of this song, but she’s still busy with school work, so I’ll just wait until she has time.
Meanwhile, I hope you enjoy my pick-me-up song as much as I do.
Remind Yourself Why You’re Doing It
Another trick that I do is reminding myself why I’m doing what I’m doing. I became a WAHM so that I could personally take care of my children and still contribute to the family income. I love the freedom and flexibility that WAHMing gives me, so having some bad days is not good enough reason to just give up. Focus on the good days and keep going.
Remind Yourself of the Consequences
Sometimes the stick can be more motivating than the carrot. If imagining yourself being highly successful because you did well isn’t doing the trick, then try doing the opposite instead and imagining what would happen if you had to give up. Oh, my gosh! The bills! The mortgage! College tuition! Braces!
Yeah, those thoughts work for me. Add to the list retirement funds and medical insurance. I’m sure you’ll be as motivated to keep going as I am.
Break it Down
If you’re tackling a big task, it will help to break it down into smaller milestones.
I have this ambitious project that I’ve been working on. It’s a book. Can you believe that? Me, writing a book?
Yeah, well, as I said, it’s ambitious. But I’ve been tackling it on and off. I’m using this writing software called Scrivener, and it allows me to just write bits and pieces, then collate them into chapters or re-organize paragraphs as I see fit. I don’t know how long it will take me to finish it. I just have to keep going, right?
Take a Break
Sometimes the best thing to do is to take a step back and have a breather. Most tasks aren’t binary. It’s not just ones and zeros. It’s not do or die.
Be strategic with your energy management and realize that a short timeout can often yield better results in the long term. Have a hobby. Mine is crafting, mostly crochet for now. But I’ll be adding quilling to the mix soon.
So there.
Having a rough patch? Keep calm and keep going. And then write about it. 🙂
Do you, have questions, comments or feedback about this post?
Please leave a comment below, or post them on my Facebook Page.
by The Happy WAHM
I was going through my old Facebook posts, and I came across this one that I posted last year.
Open your eyes, look within. Are you satisfied with the life you’re living?
– Bob Marley –
And I got to thinking… am I?
In general, life for me is good. I have a wonderful husband, equally wonderful kids, my mother is going strong at 79, I have a job career I love, there’s food on the table, a roof over our heads, we have sound investments, and we’re steadily building our retirement fund.
So my answer to Bob Marley’s question is… yes, I am.
But do you know that life satisfaction can actually be measured?
According to Positive Psychology, life satisfaction has 7 contributors.
- collective action
- individual behavior
- simple sensory experiences
- higher cognition
- stable characteristics of the individual
- the environment
- chance factors
It further says that life satisfaction is different from happiness. as happiness is an immediate, in-the-moment experience, while life satisfaction is happiness that exists when we think about our life.
Like I may be happy today because I was able to complete my tasks ahead of schedule (in-the-moment), but my feeling of satisfaction is from the knowledge that my husband and I have steady jobs and we are able to provide for our kids (feeling towards life long term).
From the same article at Positive Psychology, the PERMA Model was mentioned, introduced by Martine Seligman, the founder of positive psychology.
PERMA stands for
- Positive Emotion
- Engagement
- Relationships
- Meaning
- Accomplishments
You can read more about the PERMA Model here.
So let’s see…
Positive emotion. Check.
I always try to see the positive even the most difficult times. Like when we were burglarized. Or when Glenda hit us. Or the one that we’re still going through right now. I’d rather focus on the lessons and the blessings, although they are pretty much well in disguise.
Engagement. Check.
Aside from my work, I have made sure that I have a hobby for my personal happiness. I do crafts, I crochet, I sing, I even dance sometimes. These activities allow me to do a reset, thus helping me be fresh for work afterward.
Relationships. Check.
I’m married to my best friend, and we have kids that we love to the next galaxy and back. They are my support system. Without them, I would not feel, nor have the desire to focus on, positive emotion.
Meaning. Check.
Life for me is my family. Everything that I do are anchored on my big why.
Accomplishments. Check.
When I think about accomplishments, I think more about my relationship with others (have I lightened up someone else’s load?), my relationship with myself (do I forgive myself for past mistakes?), and my relationship with the world (do I bring my own shopping bag to help save trees?), rather than counting all the investments we’ve made and clients I’ve gained. Although the latter definitely contribute to the reason I sleep well at night.
Yup! I’m satisfied.
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Please leave a comment below, or post them on my Facebook Page.
by The Happy WAHM
Back in 2011, I wrote about my home office set up. It wasn’t much, just a table in the corner of our tiny living room.
If you are a WAHM like me, having a home office is almost as important as having clients.
Maybe I’m exaggerating there, but that’s how I felt when I was starting. Even when I only had a computer table in the first three years, I made sure that “that” table was treated like a real office.
No talking to Mommy when she’s in the office.
Stay really quiet when Mommy has her headphone on.
Yeah, took me three years to save up for a custom-made desk. Remember, we were paying off huge hospital debt when I braved it out to become a WAHM. And the desk doesn’t look much, really. But what makes it special is that I have all the drawers I need for all my office stuff.
This WAHMing thing? It’s a lifestyle. Bed to office in under a minute. No need to spend on wardrobe and your hours are up to you. But a critical part of making it work is discipline. You need to keep a schedule. You can’t afford to feel lazy. And having a well-organized home office will certainly put you in the mood to work. Having that sense of being in a real office space makes work more enjoyable and more efficient.
Here are some tips to get you started.
Organizing Your Desktop or Laptop
Back up all your files frequently and store important items on a cloud-based service. I personally use an external drive which I sync with my desktop computer at least once a month. Saved me a lot of heartache in the past years, most recent was only last December when my 7-year desktop conked out on me. Only had a half day of downtime, which we used to shop for a new desktop and install applications and security.
Create folders and subfolders for your files. I partitioned my PC in a way that all program files are in C, and data files are in D. The data files have three main folders: Home Office, Homeschool, and Personal. Inside each main folder are subfolders, like inside Homeschool, there are two subfolders, Bea and Jude. And more subfolders for subjects, teacher guides, curriculum, projects, etc.
If you are like me, who works on a laptop away from home, you would want to have your oft-accessed files in a cloud. You can use either Google Drive or Dropbox.
Organize Your Desk
Though some folks can organize their desktop according to their own system, others wouldn’t know what to do without their desktop organizer. Some are a simple arrangement of slots made of wire mesh, while others are elaborate. They have room for pens, pencils, staplers, scissors, sticky notes, push pins, stationery, Scotch tape, etc.
Yet, even a desktop organizer needs to be organized. Make sure the papers in the slots are neat, pencils have been sharpened, pens are capped and no stray rubber bands overhang the rubber band container.
For my slightly OC self, I had a desk custom-built back in 2010. I wanted to have drawers that will have all my home office and homeschool supplies in one place. The only organizer on top of my desk now is a tub of pens. All the rest are in my drawers. Although I wish I have one of these desk organizers.
This one, particularly. 🙂
Organizing Drawers
Just because drawers are closed most of the time doesn’t mean they don’t need to be organized. Opening a drawer and seeing a jumble of stuff when you’re looking for something is as dispiriting as a chaotic desktop.
The drawer is where you keep stuff that doesn’t go into the organizer just yet. To avoid a mess, keep everything in its own little box or container. Little metal spice containers are perfect for things like push pins, tacks, erasers, and paper clips because they have glass tops.
My top most drawer holds more pens, craft scissors, craft punches, glue gun, glue sticks, washi tapes, highlighters, staple wires, fasteners, colorful clips and my external drives.
Other drawers hold stationery, notebooks, my official receipts, craft papers, index cards, folders, Manila paper and board papers.
I remember one time when our eldest was in high school and her group met at our house to make their project, one of her classmates commented, “We’re like at National Bookstore!”
Organizing Shelves
Invest in magazine holders for your magazines. Place photos in albums and other important items in boxes. None of these storage items need to be drab. You can now buy them in different colors that match the overall color scheme of your room.
Though boxes can be different colors, it’s best if they’re the same size so they can stack on your shelves. Label containers using a label maker. Or washi tapes. 🙂
Speaking of label makers, they are one of many items that should fit in your office desk drawer. And yes, I do have one. National Bookstore, remember? 🙂
Organizing your home office is not difficult and can be fun. You might even want to get the whole family involved. It will definitely be a pleasure to see a clean and tidy workspace waiting for you at the beginning of your workday.
Disclaimer: My home office, specifically my desk, may not stay as organized as I presented in this post, but I’m still proud to say that there is always one day in a month that IT IS this organized, and then it goes downhill from there until it’s time to clean up, and the cycle continues. One thing is constant though. I LOVE my home office!
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Please leave a comment below, or post them on my Facebook Page.
